Problem Teens

Lynne Forrest, the author of The Three Faces of Victim, provides monthly emails addressing victim language.  What you say when you talk to yourself, what you say when addressing life drama.

Lynne is one of my favorite authors!  Hope you get some great insight.  Please visit her website and read about the Three Faces Of Victim.  The understanding received from her message will increase your ability to step out of the drama and live your life in peace and respect.
 
Lynn Forrest on Victim Language

This week, I want to talk about two words that are an intrinsic
part of a victim language. Those words are, "betray" and "reject."

Victims say, "He/she betrayed me," or " She/he rejected me."

These words reflect a negative victim perspective that says we were
"done to" or mistreated by another. Do you hear victim in that?

Someone in our life may leave us or find someone other than us to
be in relationship with or they may say unkind or untruthful things
about us or any one of a number of other acts that we routinely
label as "acts of betrayal," or rejection. We have all experienced
such things at one time or another in our lives. But have we
noticed how mistreated and abused we feel (victimized) when we call
acts such as these betrayal? How different might we feel about such
behavior without a victim label proclaiming it as a "betrayal" or
"rejection"?

In reality, what we call "betrayal" is the Universe's way to get us
to let go of something that we need to release and what we call
"rejection" is the Universe showing us how we neglect ourselves.

To ascribe labels such as these to natural changes that happen in
life seems a cruel way to treat ourselves. Anytime we label someone
else's behavior as something that is being done to or at us, we
reinforce a very painful, victim world view.

Believing it is even possible for someone to betray or reject us is
to choose to see the world as a victim at the mercy of an uncaring
world.

I understand that the betrayal/rejection theme is a popular notion,
widely believed and bemoaned. However, the reality is that we are
the only ones who can either reject or betray us!

People come and they go in life. That is a fact. Their leaving
however, is never nearly as hurtful to us as the story we tell
ourselves about it. When we make their behavior about us by
describing it as a rejection or betrayal, we reject and betray
ourselves. We put a victim spin on an act that most likely had
little, if anything, to do with us!

The next time you find yourself using the words, "betrayed" or
"rejected" in reference to yourself, try one or more of these
expressions of thought instead:

"He/she left me. I've been spared."
"He/she left because it was time for them to go."
"I know it was time for him/her to go because they are gone."
"I trust that this happened for my highest good. I have been
liberated."

Think back on a time you felt betrayed or rejected and reframe it
according to what you've read here. How does it change your
feelings about it? Which way of seeing feels most empowering?

Please feel free to forward this to anyone you think might be
interested.

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For more information on the Victim Triangle, go to:
http://www.lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html